Thursday, September 3, 2009

Dancing

A friend sent me a note today, which ended with this line:

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.

I love to dance. I'm not very good, but I imagine myself to be fantastic.
I love music. All different sorts of music. oh no let's go let's go crazy. I forget that I'm older than dirt. I forget that I look a little creepy: an old lady shakin' her booty.
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I love to sing. I'm terrible, but only in real life. In my mind.. in my shower, in my car... There have been times in the van when I'm singing so loud, with such enthusiasm and verve that the whole waggle has felt compelled to join in. And we are homeless, homeless. Moonlight sleeping on a midnight lake ahwoooooooooooooooooo!
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On the morning which would be Spice's last, Bill and I accidentally met on our walks. I was standing, transfixed, in front of this stunning home:
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Out of its upstairs porch were floating the most hauntingly beautiful strains. Violins leading their orchestral cousins in the sweetest, saddest melody. Vaguely familiar and so moving. The assembled whippets - Easy, Fat Charlie, Mama Pajama, Spice, Delia, and Luciano - listened. "Bill, what is that? Do you recognize it?" But it ended. We walked home together. I want to find that song, for it is forever linked in my heart now with one dear, sweet, loving, wagging, generous, darling dog. I want to find that music.
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I remember the title of a book, I'm Dancing as Fast as I Can.
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I was no saint for bringing Easy and Spice to our home. Please do not make that mistake in your thinking. It has been a rare gift. Spice was the sweetest dog I have ever known. Right there with Opie, our old Lab, and there is no higher praise. I have been able to hold on to a piece of my late friends, Easy and Spice's beloved Carolyn and Greg, right here in my arms.
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I am comforted by the image of Spice galloping towards Carolyn and Greg, with her head stretched high and her ears pricked, that tail wagging like crazy. And the reunion that would follow. That's what I hear in that music. That's it. I wonder if I heard it in those violins without knowing what I was hearing? I wonder if Carolyn was in that music? If the dogs heard her?
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I'm trying to dance. Sometimes it's raining too damn hard. I'm trying to focus on that happy reunion. I'm trying to block the image of that goddam bastard nightmare seizure.
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I need to find that music.
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I'm hugging my hounds

15 comments:

  1. How incredibly special.... I'm almost afraid to comment as your words are so full of that part of life we often don't see.... the heart and spirit of what it is all about.

    Spice has forgotten that seizure. She only remembers your strong, loving arms and your spirit fighting for her. She went from loving arms to loving arms.

    Humming sweet melodies, wondering if they are yours...

    Kathy

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  2. Paul Simon. Black Mombazo. What would we do without them? And the unnamed strains of melody that lift our souls?

    Had I not read about Spice on FB, I would be all question marks about what happened and about how that sweet dog left this world. Knowing doesn't make it any better though.

    Learning how to dance in the rain -- perfect advice for present needs.

    Add a few woofs to those aroos.

    Joan and the Boyz

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  3. Thank you for sharing this precious, if very painful, moment. I'm certain it is your love Spice remembers, as you remember hers.

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  4. I love music and it is always linked with things that have happened. I hope you find that music and can listen any time you need to.

    Hugs to you Patience.

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  5. Francarrich from WWSeptember 3, 2009 at 7:09 PM

    Try the Ashokan Farewell.

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  6. This afternoon I noticed a nicely dressed young woman across the street. She was sitting on the parking strip with her back towards me and a shepherd mix next to her. She had her arm around the dog and seemed to be comforting it. A while later she had the dog near the street corner-no lead. There was something wrong. No lead, and the lady looked worried and as if she was going to try to carry the dog. I went out (MilkBone in hand) and asked if her dog was okay. The lady was crying and said "Later today my dog has to be euthanized.She is 15 and can't walk well. This is her final walk and I'm trying to say goodbye". What can you say? I told her that it was tough to do but she was doing the right thing for her buddy. I asked the owner if she wanted a hug. "Yes, please" and gave her one. Then I started crying too, gave the lady the treat for the dog and had to leave. Maybe this dog will be at the Rainbow Bridge tonight, meeting Spice and other beloved animals and seeing Carolyn and Greg? The song would be Somewhere Over The Rainbow. Please pardon the lengthy reply-there was no way to say it with less words.

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  7. Martina, what a sweet story that makes one's eyes leak.

    Patience....very well written.

    This has been a difficult year for me. I have been over-worked, burned out and then Dad died. There was no rest for the weary....and then, just as life was slowing Charlie became ill and died. Like you, I am comforted, thinking of Dad and Charlie at the bridge together. I hope that is why Charlie left me before I was ready to let him go.

    Confession time: Charlie died a week after Michael Jackson's death. His music was all over. I bought "The Essential Micheal Jackson"...although never a big MJ fan, something about his music brings me back to hot summers of my youth and makes my body want to move and dance. I do not imagine myself a good dancer....I know I will forever be the awkward geekish girl who grew into an adult nerd. However, in the privacy of my home, with deep brown whippet eyes as my only witness (and giving me VERY concerned stares), moving to the beat of MJ makes the rain clouds go a away for a while.....and if the clouds don't budge, dancing in the rain feels good! Patience, keep on dancing!

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  8. I love the quote your friend sent you, and also the one
    "Dance like no one is watching, love like you'll never be hurt,sing like no one is listening,and live like it's heaven on earth." Keep dancing and singing and loving and living, my friend, but also take time to grieve.

    I am so sorry for Spice's sudden passing. It is comforting to think of her with her beloved Carolyn and Greg. She was very blessed to have you as her guardian this past while.

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  9. i heard about spice from ane, i am so terribly sorry to hear the news. i am sure she is safe in the arms of her loving parents. you know, home isn't home without your pets.
    puglette

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  10. Mommi is cwying too much to type
    smochie kisses
    ASTA

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  11. Patience

    I hope you find your music.......and Thank you

    Taryn

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  12. We are so very sorry to hear about Spice, Patience! We are so glad you got to care for her at the end of her life!
    We hope you find your music!

    Love ya lots,
    Maggie and Mitch

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  13. Spice perhaps was the "music"

    sorry to read this news Patience.

    Our thoughts are with you. ;0(

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  14. We are sending hugs to you and to your hounds.

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  15. We love you Patience!
    Kisses and hugs
    Lorenza

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