Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Our Version of Yesterday, by the dogs

For the Human version of yesterday, simply scroll down to the next story.

William: The sun is coming up. Wake up, Humans.

Very Old Dog: Sigh, stretch, snuggle in. Be quiet Young One.

All: They're getting up! Me first! Here we go. Race you to the door, can't beat me, I'm winning, let us out. Look out Squirrels here we come!

All: aaahhhhhhhh. peeeee. poop.

All: breakfast time yum and yum it's breakfast time

Maria: squeak Mr. Squeaktoy. squeak squeak squeak squeak. You want my squeak toy. You cannot have my squeaktoy.

Mama Pajama: I do not want your old squeaktoy. I have my own squeaktoy! squeak squeak squeak squeak. I squeak my squeaktoy louder than you!

All: Bowls going down! Chomp chomp gulp yum lick lick, that's all?

Mama Pajama to Lindy Loo: Are you going to eat all that? Move away from your bowl.

Lindy Loo: gulp, swallow, lick lick. All done.

Delia to her Manservant: Uh-oh. Why are you in dressy clothes? Where are your walking shoes? This concerns me greatly.

Luciano to Delia's manservant: Time for our walk, Buddy. You forget or what?

All: We're all going in the yard? This is new. You have the schedule all mixed up, Silly Human.

Delia: I'll stay with my Human. He's confused. Oh all right, if you insist I'll go in the yard, but now I have Serious Concerns.

Fat Charlie: She's taking the loud gassy machine out of the yard.

All: Us too! Take us too! Oh she's so rude. Let's follow the loud gassy machine.

Sam I Am: SQUIRREL ALERT!

[generalized chaos ensues]

Very Old Dog: She's taking a shower before our walkies, this is a Very Bad Sign.

All: Here she comes, it's Walk Time! Woo-hoo joy abounds Death to Stupid City Squirrels. Walk me first! Me first! Me first! Me... Huh? Oh boy, biscuits in crates! YES!

Very Old Dog: She's leaving. No walk today. She's going away without us.

Mama Pajama: Are there chewies involved?

Maria: Oh my, she is going away. Oh my they are both going away. He is getting the keys. They have forgotten our walks and they are going away.

Mama Pajama: There should definitely be chewies involved.

All: Yay! Chewies! Good job Mama Pajama, she heard you!

[sound of door closing, gate opening and closing, car starting and driving away]

All: chew, chew, chew, chew, chew

Mama Pajama to Sam I Am: Are you going to finish that chewie?

Sam I Am: Yes, [chew] I [chew] am [chew].

All: chew... zzzz ... ch-e-w... zzz-z-z-z-z

[quiet]

Luciano: Was that our car? I think I heard our car!

Fat Charlie: No.

Very Old Dog: What? Speak up! What did you hear?

[quiet]

Mama Pajama: We need to dock their pay. This is ridiculous. Good help is so hard to find.

[quiet]

William and Lindy Loo: There it is that's the car it's our car and our Humans does anyone else have to pee?

Fat Charlie: No, that car is not ours.

Very Old Dog: What? Is it them? Speak UP; you all mumble.

[pause... sleeping sounds]

Luciano: Woof woof woof woof strange dog on our sidewalk. Danger danger woof woof woof!!

All: Woof woofwoofwoofwoof! This house is protected by all of us! Woof Woof Woof!

Lindy Loo: woof woof. Is it a very large dog? Would it be one to eat little dogs? Woof?

Very Old Dog: I hear THAT! Woof woof woof cough woof woof!

Maria: It's gone but let's have a nice howl ah-wooooooooooo, wooerooooooooo!

All: Woo Ah-roooooo ah-woooo-woooooow-wooooooooooooooooooooooo.

[much scratching of bedding and curling up and flumping back down. sleep]

Sam I Am: HEY! Listen!

Mama Pajama and Fat Charlie and Delia: It's our friends' van! It's Lee and Dee! Maybe they found the Humans.

All except Very Old Dog: They're coming in oh hello dear friends we're so glad and we have to pee and you found your way here and our humans are lost and ...

Very Old Dog: What? What is going... oh, hi there Miss Lee and Miss Dee! I heard you the whole time. Nice of you to come visit. Whew... Excuse me I've got to pee!

[a lovely visit ensues, dogs play in the yard and potty and much canine gratitude is bestowed on the dear friends who let the dogs out.]

All to Lee and Dee: Our Humans are lost. Have you seen them? We're quite concerned about their return. They can't run, they can't smell a squished worm when it's right under their nose, and they have no sense of direction whatsoever. Oh, biscuits, how lovely of you.

[dogs get biscuits back in their crates and friends leave]

Mama Pajama: There should have been more chewies involved.

Very Old Dog: I am greatly concerned about our Dear Humans. Greatly concerned. They can't possibly survive this long without us.

Maria: I know what will help - let's howl. Ah-wooooooooooooooo rah rah rah wooooooooo

All: Howl, howl, howl howl-a-rama rooooooooooooooooo. What are we to doooooooooooo?

[settling noises, some licking of privates, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz]

William: Here they come! I hear the van!

Mama Pajama: They didn't even take the van, idiot, they took the car. Did you finish your chewie?

[long pause]

Delia: I love my Human. I want him home now. He was worried when they left. So was she. I want them home. I want him home.

[time passes]

William: I have to pee.

Lindy Loo: I'm hungry.

Mama Pajama: Tell me about it.

Very Old Dog: What? You're mumbling again.

Delia: He's here he's here he's back that's the car he's here oh he's here let me out of this crate before I explode he's here he found us he's home!!!

[MASS CHAOS]

All: Hi Woman! You were lost and you are home wowsa are we hungry you're late gotta pee you're HOME oh you're HOME oh Man, you smell like you've been to Doc Ol' Poke and Stick, yikes we'll be gentle mmmmmm dinner!

All: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

4 comments:

  1. Doria, Zoreia & FamilySeptember 27, 2007 at 12:45 PM

    Just discovered your blog today--as always, your writing has me laughing uncontrollably and crying, by turns. Your GIFT is creating Vivid Visuals with words. You're the Whippet Family's Tesoro Nostro...Bill can translate, I'm sure!

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  2. I agree!! Laughing one minute and eyes tearing up the next ;-) Still smiling the whole time, tho'....
    LJE

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  3. I can just imagine the dogs talking like that. Hope Mr. Bill is doing good.

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  4. LOL!!! I can totally relate..

    Vee

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