My name is Patience and I am not not not a writer. I used to write funny little stories, mostly about my sweet dogs. And then life whapped me upside the head. And then it whapped me in the gut. And then it whapped me with a sucker punch to the kidneys. It kept whapping and whapping, and if you read my blog for the last year I was writing it, well, I don't know how you did. Because it was nothing but "WHAP", wail, "WHAP", wail, "WHAP", wail, "WHAP", wail, and so on ad nauseum.
Finally even I figured out that my stories weren't so much funny anymore. Heck they weren't even stories, so much as PDWs. (Public displays of wailing.)
The worst part is that Life really didn't whap me at all. It whapped people I love and some of the sweetest old dogs ever what graced this earth. (Told you I'm not a writer: 'ever what graced this good green earth'? I just like how it sounds, so that's how it stays.) I stand around here all unwhapped, virginal in my unwhappedness. I should be doing cartwheels and off-to-see-the-wizard clicking of heels.
Instead, I'm Madame Morose.
I found myself wandering around this new land, a land so null and void of Funny Little Stories that it made Job's famous dung heap look like an SNL skit (the OLD Belushi/ Aykroid/ Curtain/ Radnor/ Morris/ Chase/ Newman cast, I'm talking - pee your pants funny). Not that my life in any way resembled Job's. No no no. I had nothing but good, and I recognized that, it was just that I couldn't come up with a Funny Little Story for the life of me.
I got tired of reading my wails and I was sure that you were too. Sick and tired. So I stopped.
Kind and generous folks have encouraged me to start up again. I've tried a bunch of times. But my Funny Little Story maker is broke down. I can't find the Funny for the life of me. Poor, poor, poor Bill. He married this Young Honey who was all sparkly and entertaining and now he's stuck with Madame Morose who cries at breakfast because there are assholes in this world who want to de-fund public broadcasting. (Because the amount of money per year spent on public broadcasting represents about 0.003 percent of the federal budget, or $1.35 per American citizen, and I know that extra $1.35 per year in MY pocket will sure make a big difference to me. In fact, come to think of it, if I had that extra $1.35 per year I'd probably be able to find the Funny Little Stories again.)
Okay, there might just be a Funny Little Story about the HoodieFootie that Bill gave me for Valentine's and which I've worn constantly since. Except at work.
So. Here I am. I am not funny. This blog is not going to be what it was. Maybe if I write consistently again once in a while a Funny Little Story might come gasping to the surface for air and then I'll let you know that it did.
I don't know what I'll write about, but don't expect much. I don't want to disappoint.
hug your hounds
Posts
Not matter what you write we'll be there reading and loving you all the while. Welcome back dear lady.
ReplyDeleteAnd that HoodieFootie is definitely pee-in-your-pants funny! Try walking the dogs in it and you just might have a milk-out-your-nose story.
Oh, Patience, you don't have to be funny! I read your writing because it is GOOD, and I can smell the trees and hear the river and see the squirrels in your descriptions of the daily walks.
ReplyDeleteJust write stuff. Pretty please with a cherry on top?
Hugs to all!
We've missed you very much. The pink onesie needs a cotton puff tail and ears..then you'd be all set for Easter!
ReplyDeleteI'm quite certain you still have your funny going because I've seen glimpses of it on Facebook. Plus, I need your funny (not to put any pressure on you)because I've been WHAPPED quite a bit myself.
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to entertain us, we're big kids now and know that life isn't always fun. We just like hearing from you and what you're doing and thinking. For instance, I'll cry with you over defunding public broadcasting.
ReplyDeleteI would like to hear a little more about that strange pink suit you're wearing. Are you trying out for the part of Easter Bunny this year? I think Fudge has some pink fuzzy rabbit ears he can loan you to go with your outfit.
Sue
Oh Patience, you have just made my day - YOU'RE BACK!!!! And you don't have to be funny (though this entry still had me chuckling, even if it was written by Madame Morose).
ReplyDeleteI think bunny ears and a puffy tail are certainly required for your HoodieFootie for Easter. On second thought, you do have sighthounds.....who just might chase a bunny......Hmmmmmmmm.
When your beloved dogs or friends or family members are whapped out of your life, that is a direct whap to you. Don't feel like you need to apologize for your pain just because the blows are not landing squarely on your body.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure your beautiful puppies will give you something entertaining to tell us, and if you still need to feel better, just say "HoodieFootie" 30 times in a row.
You're back!!! You can't imagine my delight and joy over your coming back, even though you claim to be all morose and dressed oddly :) it doesn't really matter what you write because it's not about entertaining all of us. we come to your blog to read your writing (which is good, no matter what you are wearing)
ReplyDeleteBuffalo Gayle and the whippets
It matters not that you are funny, or clever, or sad, or whack-a-doodle crazy...We love you and what you write. We cry with you, laugh with you, go WTF with you, well you get the picture. We are WITH you. So hug your hounds and do whatcha gotta do and maybe, just maybe write a little. We will be here to read it when you do.
ReplyDeleteSue, HotRod, and Bella
I agree with all of the above! You should wear that hoodie foodie to the Lure Coursing in Lexington.
ReplyDeleteKeep writing
Lee
We have so missed you, and are so happy you and your Madame Morose friend are back! Teka wants to see pictures of William again, and I want to read about Paducah and the hounds.
ReplyDeleteBarb and Teka
Ps...Gussie is being a breedist today, but allows that Lindy Loo has promise
Ok, so Bill must have seen The Christmas Story and been so envious of Ralphie whose auntie sent him that no little boy would ever be caught dead in it pink bunny suit that he decided right then and there that if ever the opportunity arose to find an outrageois pink hoodie and footie garment -- he would seize the day and buy it for his dear wife to wear and make the world love her even more than they already do for her ability to make us laugh and cry and want MORE!!!!!
ReplyDeletexxxx Joan
Nothing you write will make us run away! This is LIFE, and I've come to learn, in my short 35 years that it's not always funny stories. So, just write. And we'll be here, reading along and it'll all work itself out, right?
ReplyDeleteI've missed the blog!!
Jen and the Black Dog Crew
This is so not true. I've been in your house multiple times since V-Day and have yet to see the afore mentioned outfit. Bunny ears would get you in the Christmas Story, as another reader pointed out. You even have the Ralphie pose down pat.
ReplyDeleteXXOO -- Stef
Are you pretending to be the pink Easter bunny, Patience?
ReplyDeleteLove ya lots,
Maggie and Mitch
Patience,
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you're back, writing anything my dear! It's all wonderful, whether you believe it or not!
We love to partake in whatever you're going through and be there to do what we can for you!
(Plus, I'm really glad to not see that photo of me as the forever blog entry!)
Big hugs and smiles,
laurie
Please bring/wear the suit next week, okay? :-)
You are funny even when you try not to be. Hugs...
ReplyDeletemrs patience we are so pleased to see you! and we love your pink suit! and thank you for reminding the peeps of the need to hug their hounds...
ReplyDeleteWooooHoooooHuwwway!!!!!!!1
ReplyDeleteYou'we BACK!!!!!!
We have missed you Patience(aka Madame Mowose, hehehe) and all youw wondewful, bootiful and gweat hounds!!!! (I bet Sam doesn't even wemembew me anymowe)
anyway, we have always loved anything you wite. we love laughing wif you , but also when you shawe some of the sad things that happen, cause they happend to all of us in some way and when it's shawed, it's a little bettew.
We wish you could come to ouw house in that outfit..we love it
smoochie kisses
ASTA
I've been sleeping with one half of a giant good and plenty.
ReplyDeleteWelcome back, Patience! You don't need to write funny, or nervously talk along, just tell us a few stories now and then. Each time I read blogs, I think, "I wonder where Patience is, and why isn't she writing to me." It will be good to hear whatever you have to say.
ReplyDeleteCheers and hugs,
Jo and Stella
I am very happy to see you again!
ReplyDeleteAnd certainly your picture made my day!
Kisses and hugs
Lorenza
You have been missed, dear lady.. the whole and all the pieces of you.. Welcome back!
ReplyDelete{{{HUGS}}}
Judith and Zoe..
Welcome back....or check in when you can.
ReplyDeleteLife is NOT always funny,especially to this person who sees the world the blue colored glasses.
As evidenced by the many comments above, we will take you any way that you come.
Hug those hounds!
Glad you're back with a (metaphorical) pen in your hand, Patience. You have been busy with those little bodies dashing around but now you have just one (& a half) extra I'm sure the little things that bring joy to your life will influence your writing once again. I'm certain some Jibber Jabber will be making his presence felt on this page.
ReplyDeleteGreat suit! : >)
Wags from Banjo & Aida.
Carol.
Madame Morose-it's all good,Dear P. We all need to re-set now and then. Perhaps you could BE the lure at Nationals?? Love ya anyway ya are!
ReplyDeleteNightly routine - preparations for checking the dozen or so blogs that I enjoy (ed) enough to bookmark: pour glass of lovely red vino to accompany, turn off TV in order to devote full attention to said blog(s) and begin to see which blogs have new content.
ReplyDeleteCheck Patience's, not expecting anything, and until tonight, not disappointed.
A STORY! Hallelujah, the lady has surfaced, and in a pink hoodie/footie onesie thing.
Welcome back, Oh Mistress Morose, in whatever incarnation you have chosen. I and many others have missed you so very much..
I think that hoodiefootie thing is awesome (I want one!) and I love that your charming husband calls it a 'Good-n-Plenty' instead of a bunny suit. Both of you are unique, interesting people and your writing doesn't have to be funny - it's good!
ReplyDeleteGlad you're back, Patience! I don't care WHAT you say, you are a wonderful writer. (And I love your HoodieFootie. :)
ReplyDeleteMissed your blog!
ReplyDeleteBut you deserve a break just like anyone else! ;)
Don't feel that you have to be entertaining...just the regular stories are fine!
Congratulations on the puppies and hope to hear some good news after you get back from the National(s?)!!
XOXO
Dog Lover :)
Hip-hip-hooray!! For a while I checked daily; then a few times a week; then weekly and then rarely. Even in your very sad times, your incredible humor shined through and your writing was really solid. The best! Heck...your morosity made mine seem quite acceptable! So glad you are back!! Thanks for loving NPR and all things beautiful and reasonable!!
ReplyDeletePatience,
ReplyDeleteThough I do not know you, I very much appreciate your writings. They make me feel closer to a recently departed mutual friend.
You are, in many ways, very like her. As you may understand, that is a great complement.
You don't have to post this, but please stay unwhapped.
Regards.