Thursday, August 12, 2010

Ol' Poke 'n Stick lives up to his (good) name



Poor Mama Pajama can't get a break.

Yesterday I had to take her to the wonderful vet. Wonderful in my opinion, anyway.
So the servant takes me in the van, all by myself, and I think we're going someplace fun. Like maybe to chase bunnies or kill squirrels or something. No. Where does she go? Of all the places, the idiot turns into Ol' Poke 'n Stick's House of Horrors. I expressed my extreme disappointment by refusing to get out of the van. "Hello, idiot servant??? Wrong, wrong, wrong. Leave this place immediately!" No. She doesn't get it and acts all happy like I'm at an Outback Steakhouse and in her stupid voice says, "Blah blah blah feel better blah blah blah I'm sorry blah blah blah biscuits." So I get out of the van because I am a good dog. And she did have biscuits.

Mama Pajama's eye has been teary ever since she got sick seven years ago, but I noticed that she was squinting it as though it was sore, and the third eyelid was covering more than normal. I got out my handy dandy nurse's penlight and saw a chunk gouged out from her cornea. Oh good LORD!

In the waiting room, Mama Pajama was very brave. She panted, but she didn't shake, and she wagged when she saw Gail, the office manager.
We go into the House of Horrors. Of course we do. There are a million other places in the world we could be but no, my special servant comes here. That nice Gail who has never been involved in the torture and who often has Kind Words and Very Good Treats bowed down to me and I rewarded her with a wag of my little tail. She is deserving.

It wasn't long until we were called back to our exam room.
Oh let's not. Really. Please?

I was really thinking that she had caught a tail in her eye, or maybe a poke from a branch in the yard and we would get some antibiotic drops and off we'd go. The tech put some numbing drops in both of Mama Pajama's eyes.
Okay, you are a Good Human! Oh my eye suddenly feels wonderful. I love you!

Doc came in.
Hello, Ol' Poke 'n Stick. Hey here's a thought: why don't you POKE and STICK the idiot servant today????

He put his moongoggles on and examined Mama Pajama's eyes. "Have you heard of an indolent ulcer?" he asked. [Warning: there are graphic photos on that site of exactly what Mama Pajama endured yesterday.]

Those goggles make your eyes look HUGE, did you know that? Kindly let go of my sweet little nose. It's a good thing you have such a kind and noble heart so I put up with your foolishness.


Doc scraped away the outer layer of Mama Pajama's cornea with a sterile Q-tip, and then scratched the surface with a needle. I got a little faint. (Yes I'm a Registered Nurse, but that's Mama Pajama.)
You're really lucky that I don't hold a grudge.

He then drew some blood from her jugular vein.
Of course he did. Why do you think his name is OL' POKE 'n STICK!!!

He spun the blood and made drops from her own plasma.
If you're going to put my plasma back in me why didn't we just leave it there in the first place?

So now she gets four different drops twice a day. And an anti-inflammatory pain killer by mouth.
Each torture session is accompanied by some rather tasty cheese. I have trained the servant well. Granted, in a perfect world there would be cheese without the torture, but oh she's a Human after all and you know how they ARE.

The good news is that this morning, Mama Pajama was her happy, wagging self. Her eye didn't seem to be bothering her much at all, and she enjoyed her walk as much as ever. The bad news is that she has to go back in two weeks and have it all done again.
Say what? SAY WHAT???? Human for sale, Cheap! Free to good home. Any home. Oh for goodness sakes.

hug your hounds

19 comments:

  1. Hugs Mama P.....your human does what only a human can do, worries and frets...she is in need of some good ole' whippet hugs! r

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh Mama Pajama, how brave you are to endure such torture. Instead of selling your servant (after all, the rest of the waggle might have something to say about that!), why not just come live with me? I have treats. We go for wonderful walks. And I will be your new servant.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Eye problems make our mom extremely sqeeeeemish! We are sending you LOTS of AireZen, Mama Pajama!

    Love ya lots
    Maggie and Mitch

    ReplyDelete
  4. Mama PJ--have you thought about retaliating by rubbing some good eye boogers on those nurses' pants?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Mama Pajama....cheese is good, but that sounds like a horrible experience. I think you deserve steak and spaghetti.

    Teka Toy

    ReplyDelete
  6. Awwww Mama P, so sorry your servant is forced to have to do this for you. She does it because she loves you. Eye stuff makes me a bit squeemish too. Hugs and smooches.

    Sue, HotRod, and Anneke

    ReplyDelete
  7. Poor Mama Pajama! But thank you for making us all laugh through your poke-n-stick pain!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh what a relief for Mama Pajama!!! I myself have come down with a problem with my left eye that I have never heard of...central serous chorionretinopathy...quite a mouthful that means fluid on or under the retina... caused by stress and I am told the fluid will subside but can take quite a long time....not painful, just weird! So I am taking a break from constant blogging and other things hoping it will help the fluid subside...... ahhh life is so interesting!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Aww... Poor Mama P! I know a thing or two about eye ouchies (and the treats that go with them). I hope you feel better soon!

    Kisses,
    Bajas

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hello foolish Human....I completely understand your concern and your lightheadedness. My Peke experienced the same thing (and I was just like you...only I FORGOT treats - so I am not only foolish but DUMB!) Two weeks will go by and hopefully all will be forgiven because Mama will feel better, see better and may even give ol' "P&S" a swift lick across the goggles! Hugs always appreciated!!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Chin up sweet Mama P, you'll be good as new in no time.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Bless her sweet heart. At least she is doing better. You must adore Gail! I know the gals at our vet's office are the best!

    ReplyDelete
  14. BTW, my Sophie has to take meds twice a day and we use pill pockets. They are the best thing since sliced bread! Or in a dog's opinion since cheese or beef!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Saw you read my post...
    You crack me up, Patience -moongoogles? ole'poke and stick? The last expression must be from a nurse!(giggle)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Am back, maybe I was wrong, and it was someone who hopped from your blog unto mine -anyways, it was good to visit you again!

    Your post below - that is how some of the signs/instructions/whatever it was in China were -it was English, only some of the words and letters were in the wrong order:)

    ReplyDelete
  17. MP, you have a really funny, talented servant. Almost as humorous as you are. LOL (in a sympathetic way, of course).

    ReplyDelete
  18. So glad you are better, Mama. It just takes time until us humans figure it out.... but we do come with cheese.

    Gentle hugs,

    Kathy and Flynn

    ReplyDelete

Love your comments! Love them we do. Don't be bashful! Thank you for visiting :-)